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communication is still at the top of my list of lessons for today...i love face to face visits....i love the internet, don't get me wrong...but oh...a hot cup of coffee with a friend? you can't beat it! i am also learning that my loved ones hear me more clearly when they can see my face,my lips. i am trying very hard to concentrate on what i am saying and how i am saying it. if people can see what i am saying i have a much better chance of being heard. so, i need to slow down a bit, face who i am talking to, speak clearly and enjoy the results of being heard. love it!!!
i learned, long ago, to put my own needs on the back burner. being a wife and a mother,
this behavior is sometimes necessary. i am replacing that image in my brain with a stove top with no back burners...all the my burners are in the front row...
now that is a fun image!!! all burners in the front row...now i just have to pay attention to the pots that are going to boil over...right?
what i know today is that i am perfect just the way i am...i surround myself with people that support me and love me for who i am...they accept me just as i am...this lesson starts in my own heart however...i need to be able to love myself and accept that i am doing the best job at being me that i can...then the other people in my life will be shocked and amazed! i might be a bit different...but that is my charm. today i am practicing loving myself and i am allowing the people around me to enjoy me too!!
i know that i have the power to create my own life...i choose to create a positive day today. my life is so good...and there are certain things that i must do on a daily basis to keep it that way. i must remain in gratitude, mind my own business, be kind, be honest, be true...pray, meditate and trust that i will be better than "just ok" today. so i am looking forward to enjoying the GREAT day that i have created for myself today!
there is a fine line for me between taking care of myself and being alone...and isolation. i can extract myself from the world and hang out in my studio for days...with little contact with the outside world. what i know to be true for me is that isolation can be a dangerous place...yet my studio is so healthy for me...hmmm...balance? i also know that i need other people to inspire me...spiritually, physically and emotionally. so for today i will try to find the balance of being alone in a healthy way...and being alone in a non-healthy way.
i cannot wait to get up in the morning and go play in my studio. the fan is whirling a bit of a breeze in there today...so no...i have not disappeared...i am just playing! it has come to my attention that i did not play as much as i needed to as a child...nor did i make enough messes...no problem...i have worked that out...i play, play, play...and just ask my husband...i can make a mighty mess in that room too!!!
today i am practicing....'say what i mean'
...i am going to use as few words as possible to make myself clear...sometimes less is better...and i am not going to assume that the person (i.e. my darling husband) can read between the lines. sounds so easy...hmmmm...i have a tendancy to candy coat what i am trying to say...especially if i need something...then the message is unclear, murky...then i do not get what i am trying to ask for and i leave my husband dazed and confused...so...today i will communicate clearly and say what i mean...
oh my goodness what a week...and what a bunch of 'Humble Pie' i have been eating. yuck and yum at the same time. humble pie-that of admitting one's error and apologizing...okay...i got it! it has become clear that sometimes i help...even when not asked to...and the whole thing turns sour...then guess what...oh...humble pie...and the apologies must be made. the gift today is that i am able to be accountable for my behavior (and mistakes, even though i had good intentions) and apologize quite quickly. hmmm...funny...not apologizing for my mistakes seems to make my tummy upset more than the 'pie'!!!
i have to say this piece fills me with gratitude that i can play all day today in my patched up old blue jeans with red suspenders, a black and white striped shirt and a pair of sandals that are comfy as all get out! nope...no corset for me!!
what i know today is that i have the power to turn myself into my own princess charming...no one else can do it for me. by loving myself completely i have the ability to make my life as perfect as i want it to be. if i am not overflowing with love for myself..those around me will not be able to love me either...what they are offering will not be not seem good enough...what they offer will not fill the emptiness inside...just one kiss from myself...could change what i think is a frog...into a beautiful princess charming!
today's message is a tough one for me...still working on it. what comes up for me is how difficult it is to talk directly to a person about a problem that i am having with myself or them. crazy...i am practicing trusting myself to know that i will not be abandoned by my loved ones just because we do not agree on something...big or small. if i am happy or unhappy about some happenstance...my loved ones are the ones that i need to share that with...i sometimes choose some uninvolved person to share it with...hmmmm...that is not really living in the solution. it begins with trusting myself and my choices. i can rejoice today in my life and trust that i will be loved by others...even if we do not always agree with one another!
i just spent the weekend in arizona with my eldest son, his wife and their two adorable children. what a great visit i had...lots of books to read and games to play. i am grateful i had that precious time with them. my whole purpose of that visit was to get to know my child, his spouse and their children better. it was a delicious visit!!
i also spent time with other loved ones that are getting up in their years. the visit with them was divine and many years overdue. i am grateful that i took time out of my everyday routine and enriched my life by spending a few precious hours with the people that i love...the people that really matter to me...the people i will miss when they are gone. it is hard to extract myself from my daily life...and so worth it when i do. so remember....the time is now...
what a great message this piece carries. gossip is the war that i fight with music today. it is such poisonous behavior. when others start to gossip around me i remain quiet and uninvolved. if the gossip continues i start to sing. i create my own safe world of music. it takes care of my spirit and protects others. and then believe it or not...the toxic behavior of others changes. it is my small way of making the world a better place...and i am much happier. i no longer have to talk about others to define myself. so 'music will help win the war!' just sing!!
my meditation today brought up the message...'do not give advice'....no one wants it..really. if i can share my experience, strength and hope in a loving way...chances are i will remain the student as well, usually saying words that i need to hear. if someone asks for advice...i try to remain quiet...they might be looking for an answer but my answer is just that...MY answer. i want to be the queen of my own life...and let others enjoy there lives, learning and loving lifes many adventures. don't get me wrong...i LOVE to share my experiences with others...living in the solution and passing through the problem as quickly as possible...yes please!!
my lesson for today is 'What Other People Think of Me is None Of My Business' this is actually quite freeing...for me and for the people around me. first off...i am not as important to other people as i might think...to my family and loved ones, yes...but strangers...not so much. so i give them the freedom to think what they will about me...without feeling judged by them...afterall...they do not know me...secondly...it gives me the freedom to accept others just as they are and not to judge them, not by their clothes, where they live, how they talk or choose to look...none of it...ahhh...once again...life is grand!!!
that is how it has felt this week....if only there were two of me...then i could really get it all done? right? work just gets in the way sometimes...an evil necessity. i am grateful i have my job, but oh my goodness....i would rather be playing!!! this is the last post for the 'a project a day' for thirty days...i even got this posted a day late...if there were two of me i would have gotten it posted yesterday...right?
today is a big day...i am getting ready for our 'yArt' sale. i have purged the house of old artwork and the dining room is full of art pieces that need to be priced to sell. things that were in galleries for hundreds of dollars are priced in the tens of dollars. i love my artwork, and i am tired of it hanging around here. so today i am the 'Queen of Things', and it is time to move the energy out of my house into some one elses. the creative energy does not stop just because the house is full, right? so this Queen is cleaning house!
i had to take a longer walk this morning to meditate on this piece...what is the message, really? i am happiest when i am not over thinking or over planning. it as if the house represents the restraints that i place on myself when i think too much. what if i do it wrong? what will other people think of me? i have never seen it done this way, can it really be done?...that is what can go on in my head...in the box. when i am outside the box, there is no wrong, all ideas are good and doable...that is when my spirit is the happiest. not to be different, but to be true to myself...ahhh...what a great idea!!!
ah....what a wonderful goal i have set for myself today. i know that sometimes i go through my day half asleep...not really sleeping but unaware of the wonderful things that have been placed in front of me for my delight...i miss them when i am thinking about 'what might happen', or the 'what ifs' of my life. what i know to be true is that, all is well in my life today...things are just as they should be...and it is my job to be present and enjoy them. once again i return to my gratitude list...grateful for my healthy family, a job that nourishes my soul, and my fantastic studio space. i will concentrate on keeping my eyes open today and enjoy myself!!
i am facing my day with enthusiasm! i will not limit myself by thinking that i know what is available to me on my path today. i will keep my eyes open and embrace what is mine to claim. i will do what comes next with positive energy. it may be scrub the toilet, meet an interesting person, or even a trip to italy. how dare i be the one to close the door on what might happen, even before i have opened that door. yes, i am facing my day with enthusiasm!
